Sex, if it wasn’t for the act of sex, none of us would be here right now. I wouldn’t by typing this gibberish and you wouldn’t be politely sat reading it.
I was on holiday once, in a family friendly shop, looking for playing cards. As I walk to checkout of this nice, well presented shop in Greece I see cards. Bingo! The closer I get I start thinking “I don’t want Thomas The Tank Engine cards, god damit where are the real….oh hello!” Next to the very child friendly Thomas cards were adult cards. Its fair to say the Queen of Hearts on the box seemed to enjoy Thomas The Tank Engine!
Now imagine that in your local convenience store in Britain, wouldn’t happen, doesn’t happen. And, OK maybe that was a bit extreme. A fully naked woman next to kids playing cards. The postcards outside the shop weren’t much different though.
So, why do we Brits have the whole “No sex please we’re British” badge? I like to think i’m an open book with this. So here i’ll be quite open and honest about my thoughts on sex. If this isn’t for you, then maybe check out one of the other blogs on the site.
Lets Talk About Sex
Sex is great, when it’s done right. Do we talk about sex in dating? Well, i’ve been on a handful of dates and none have gone past the first date stage so for me the experience has been no.
I saw a post on Twitter by @OptimsticSophs. She’d quoted something saying “Men love sex until they meet a woman who likes to fuck six times a day”. In her post the chat got to having conversations around sex with perspective partners. And here we are, I’m now writing about that.
I ran a poll on Saturday asking people if they are comfortable talking about sex. The results of the poll can be seen here. 167 people took part just under 63% were women and the rest men. 37% for those who were wondering if I could do maths or not.
The overwhelming majority for both men and women was “Yes I’m comfortable” with 89.4% of the votes. Yet I have come across so many people in real life, that will cringe at the thought of the words “Red Light District” or sex. I was surprised by the results, I wasn’t expecting this to be so one sided.
Is the change a generational thing? Am I part of the generation that has become normalised to sex? Have I been surrounded by prudes? Chances are it could be both. With the internet now being so accessible you don’t have to go far to find some sort of porn. Page 3 was as bad as it got when I was a kid, along with things like FHM as well. Now, there’s every chance if you’re reading this, you’ve watched some form of pornography on the exact same device you’re reading this from.
In the past I have always been open with people who were potential partners at the time, about what I like and what my sex drive is like. So now I will just some of that down here, for everyone who wants to read. Because as the song goes “Lets talk about sex”
Now I’m not saying I’m one of these men that could go six times a day. I’m not a wham bam thank you ma’am type of guy, its to be enjoyable and satisfactory. It’s not a race for me. I want to make sure the woman I’m with enjoys it and is left satisfied. My sex drive can be quite high. When you’ve not had sex for going on 13 months that can be a pain in the ass. However, I won’t just sleep with anyone. Thats never been who I am. That won’t change either.
Its Important To Talk
We all know sex is important in a relationship. You need to talk to each other. In my opinion the sooner these chats happen the better. Sex is unique to each individual, we all like different things. You want to have some compatibility with the person you are with, so why not find out as soon as you can? Why not have a bit of fun over text, or in person when you have these chats?
I get it can be hard if you have kinks, especially if its a bit out there. But these days we’ve all seen things online, why be shy? Chances are the things you’re in to have been seen on the likes PornHub or XNXX. Be open and be honest about what turns you on, what gets you going and what you don’t like. Because after all, what you don’t like is just as important as what you do like.
Its not just kinks you have to think about with sex, what about toys? Does the partner you’re about to start seeing like the idea if using toys? Do you have toys that you like to use and have used in sex for a long time? Speak up be open. You want happiness and satisfaction. Sex should not be a chore for anyone. It definitely should not be something you do to get that nice thing you saw on Amazon. It should be enjoyable, it should be fun.
Listen to what your partner tells you. I won’t be offended if I get asked to do something differently. Why would I be? Thats their way of saying they will enjoy it more if I do it the way they are telling me. I want to hear my partner being satisfied. I want my partner is satisfied first. Why? because seeing her satisfied makes it all worth while and adds to the enjoyment for myself.
Now, obviously I’m not going to tell you everything I like and I’m too, but, I do feel there is a time and place for all different types of sex. Quick, passionate, a bit of roughness as long as its something you are both in to, and anything else you like, again if it’s something you’re both in to.
Theres no saying that this chat needs to happen straight away, there’s a time and place for it. Don’t be sat having a nice picnic and ask if they are in to something a bit out there. Gauge the time and the conversation. But one of the thrills of a new relationship is experiencing the new things each other like. Watching how they respond to things you do and vice versa. Like anything in a relationship there needs to be compromises. Again thats not a bad thing, but don’t compromise too much if its going to effect you or your relationship.
Have Some Fun Getting To Know Each Other
So, while we are out here on the dating scene, enjoy it, be open, be honest. Don’t lead someone down a garden path. Tell someone you if you can’t go six times a day if you’ve slightly bragged too much. Don’t tell them you’re in to something if you’re not. Have fun with the person you are having these chats with. If you can’t be together then why not suggesting watching the same video on a night of something you are both in too? After all surely hearing that the person you’re seeing is enjoying themselves can only be a good thing, right?
Sex doesn’t just have to be fun when you’re together in the same room. It can be exciting and fun over text or over FaceTime and other things like that. Sometimes there is nothing wrong with a good bit of teasing. But, only do this with someone you are happy to do it with. Don’t be having these chats with just anyone, be comfortable. Be sure its what you want and its the right person you want to be having these chats with. Its a intimate thing to discuss. You need to make sure its the right time and the right person to be doing any of this with.
So thats it, thats my take on the whole sex thing. Let’s talk about it, let’s be open about. We shouldn’t be ashamed by the things we like or don’t like. Sex isn’t just a physical thing, there’s a mental aspect to it as well. If you want to be brave and experiment then do so. Find people who know about the things you want to try.
I don’t want to be part of the “No sex we’re British” brigade. I want to feel comfortable talking about sex in a situation like this or in person. Its a natural thing. Its how we have survived on this magnificent planet for as long as we have. Because if we never had sex we’d not be here now.
Thank you for stopping by to read this blog.