Firstly, apologises for the delay in the podcast. Agnes was always someone I’d write about once the pod came out but I figured I’d do it beforehand.
So here we are, Agnes. I’d taken myself off the dating apps. I wasn’t looking. Never had intentions to look. I got the call to say that my grandma had passed away. I’d never felt pain like it. Still, as I write this and when I spoke about it, it’s hard to accept that shes gone. So that was it, I needed to sort my head out.
I’d messaged the people I’d been talking to at the time, explained a situation had come about where I just want in the right frame of mind to talk or meet someone new. I genuinely wasn’t.
Twitter was my safe place. I’d go on talk football and just try switch off from the real world. Then one night “Agnes has sent you a message.” Odd I thought, she’d never messaged me before. We’d interacted on tweets but never privately. It wasn’t much either.
And that was the start of an intense, fun and fabulous time. Just what I needed.
That first night we spoke for hours in DM’s. We talked football, betting, life, everything. Well everything other than what was really going on for me. All day, every day. The messages were flying, I’d never spoken to someone so much in such a short space of time. We could speak from the second we got up to the second we’d go to sleep. Never boring, never dribble and never forced.
She was beautiful, in every sense. Kind, caring, affectionate and funny. I told her about my grandma and it was amazing to have someone want to care for me the way she did. Always making sure I was ok. Checking every single day that everything was alright.
I liked her, a lot, but because I’m terrible at signs I didn’t know if she liked me. But of course she liked me, not in a big headed way, but because she was messaging me constantly and trying to take care of me.
We swapped numbers and shortly after that, the first phone call came. I missed the call. SHIT I MISSED THE PHONE CALL! I tried calling her back, voicemail. Damn it! When we finally got in touch and chatted we spoke for hours. It was amazing. The happiness, the joy and the excitement in both our voices as we spoke was amazing. And on that call we agreed we would have to meet up.
It was close to Christmas and the funeral, we decided we would meet in the new year when everything had settled. I spent most of Christmas Day texting her whilst we spent time with our own families. This was the same on New Year’s Eve. Although these days weren’t anything special, that’s how we had been every day since day 1.
The First Date
Agnes told me she wanted to meet as early as possible so we could spend the whole day together. It’d been a long time since anyone had said that to me. So we met early morning, one Saturday for our very first date.
The nerves were real. Do I hug her? Do I kiss her? I didn’t know. The awkward start was there. That soon faded. The date was amazing. We spent over 12 hours together. Having drinks, food, playing games and watching a movie. We’d held hands, cuddled, playfully flirted and even kissed. I thought I was going to be getting something I’d not wanted after I split up with my ex, another relationship. But I was happy. She was beautiful, as beautiful in real life as her pictures. I was smitten. I couldn’t stop smiling.
We spent the first couple of hours sat in a bar drinking. Soft drinks of course. Far too early in the day for alcohol. We had a small dinner and then we went off to play crazy golf. She won at golf and was so excited by this. It was the little things that made her happy. And that made me happy. After the golf we headed on to a cinema. Watched a film and then went and got something to eat. The date was over in no time. It felt like 10 minutes. Let alone over 10 hours ago since we nervously met. We’d had a great time and neither of us wanted it to end.
When we both got home we carried on texting. We were arranging a second date. We were still texting all day every day and we would often speak on the phone. Everything was so good. I’d told Agnes on the first date I was a little scared by how happy she’d made me, but also, that I needed time and that sometimes the thought of commitment was scary to me. Not in a bad way, but just one I needed to adapt to. I was reassuring her though this was nothing to do with her. I had no intentions of dating anyone else other than her.
The Second Date
The second date came around a week or so later. We decided to just head out for a drink and a movie. Everything was great, she was happy to see me, I was happy to see her. We gave each other a massive cuddle and we walked arms round each other to the bar for a drink. This was bliss. What did this woman see in me? I couldn’t work it out. I wasn’t complaining though.
The date was brilliant. Drinking, chatting away and then watching the movie. She was cold in the cinema so as every gent would, I gave her my hoody, don’t worry I got this back. This was great. I was happy and everything was amazing. Again time flew by and neither of us wanted to call time on the date. We gave each other a kiss and a cuddle outside the cinema and we went our separate ways.
The Beginning Of The End
Agnes though didn’t come without her problems, I’m not going to go in to them because that’s personal to her. But these started playing on her mind. Through conversations we’d had about ex’s she wasn’t wanting me to be involved in these problems. She didn’t want me dragged in to her issues because she didn’t think it was fair for me to be dragged in to them. I wanted to be dragged in. But she wouldn’t have it. She started to shut me out.
Chatting became harder. Texts less frequent. We wouldn’t talk on the phone because she wouldn’t be in the right frame of mind to do so. I felt useless. I was useless, there was nothing I could do to help this girl that I cared so much about and that had helped me through so much.
The message came “I just need time on my own. I’m sorry I need to sort my own shit out and I can’t have you dragged in to it. Not after everything you’ve been through. It isn’t fair on you.” So I gave her space. I gave her time. We checked in every now and again making sure each other was OK and we said we’d plan to do stuff when she was feeling better.
The End Of It All
Weeks went by, we’d still not met up since the second date. Our texts were becoming more and more infrequent and our chats on the phone were non existent. I was gutted. I knew what was coming and I was ready for it. Or as ready as you can be for something like that to come when you like someone a lot. And then it came one cold miserable Monday morning “I’m sorry it’s not fair on you to keep this dragging on. I care so much about you but I can’t do this now. I’m so sorry but I think we should call it a day for now.”
That was it. This whirlwind romance was over as quick as it had started. It was hard to take because of how intense it had all felt.
It was fun, it was amazing. Everything about it was great. But that was it, it was over. Agnes made me realise though that I did still want a relationship, I wanted to have those good times and be there to support someone on those bad times.
It wasn’t to be with Agnes and at the time it was sad. But, I look back now and I think “was she sent to just help me through what was the worst moment in my life to date?” Without her support I don’t know how I’d have coped. Of course my mates were there for me but the empathetic ear of someone like her was so helpful. I could tell her when I was crying, upset or feeling down. She was there to comfort me and help me. I’ll always be grateful for that support.
As quick as Agnes came, she was gone. We don’t talk now, we’ve had the odd interaction on Twitter and she seems to be back in a good place. But that ship has sailed. It’s been and gone.
People come in to your life for a purpose and I believe her purpose was served, not in a nasty way, but, in a sense that she was actually only meant to be in my life for that short time.
And that was Agnes. A bit longer than other blogs but hopefully still just as enjoyable to read.