Blog,  Dating

Please Set Your Preferences…

You sign up to your online dating site of choice. You’ve upload that selfie you took months ago, when we were allowed out and you were living your best life. The bio has been filled in with something witty and eye catching, then the fun starts. But, before you can start the fun of getting matches and writing that amazing bio that Buzzfeed or some other wacky website told you that you totally should write, you have to select your preferences.

I’m a man/woman — looking for a man/woman between the ages of…..I’m straight/bi/gay, you get the gist. Now no one sees what you pick, no one knows what ages you’re searching for. This information doesn’t show up on your profile, unless you put it there yourself. And some people will put it there. It gives people the heads up as to what someone is looking for and if you don’t match that its unlikely you’ll get a right swipe.

Now let’s be honest, from the first view of a profile to the last, we are all being judged. Not just on your looks but that witty bio you now wish you hadn’t put on, thanks Buzzfeed. Don’t for a moment kid yourself that if people could see your preferences they wouldn’t judge you on that either. But is it right to be judged for the type of person you like?

They say age is but a number, however that number would more often than not be the most controversial topic out of all the preferences you set. You set this though, cause you don’t want to be having all people between 18-99 popping up. The majority of those ages aren’t necessarily going to be what you are looking for. If you’re in your mid 30’s you aren’t necessarily going to be wanting to see people under 27 or over 50, again, this is all peoples personal choices. You might prefer older or younger men/women.

We know some men and women prefer older and some prefer younger, is this wrong? Personally, as long as you’re not going too young I don’t see the issue, for me i’d say too young at mid 30’s would be maybe under 26/27. Now I’ve never dated older, would I potentially, yes. I don’t just me by 1/2 years I mean maybe 5/10 years older. I don’t have anything against older women by the way, honest. However, my preferences don’t reference the desire to experience dating older women. Why? Well, in my relationships I’ve fallen for the person. The age wasn’t the thing that made me fall for them or help me fall for them. None of these have been from online dating so I’ve never had to bother with the preferences. Age hasn’t been the first thing I’ve asked them about.

Since moving online I’ve looked at older women, mainly on Plenty Of Fish. They don’t tend to bring any positive results though. But I won’t let that put me off, because again if I like the look of someone or how they sound I will try and connect with them. Whether they want to connect with me is a different matter.

But should we be judged for the age preferences set? Potentially not, as long as you’re not going too young, where you might look old enough to be the father, or too old, where it might look like you’re gold digging. If people can see your preferences though they will judge you. If you match with someone they may question this if its in your bio. Maybe that’s fair game, and if you don’t want to be questioned about this, don’t have it for everyone to see. However, if someone was to question this i’d always be inclined to ask what they’ve set for the same criteria, because they will have also set preferences for age. Like most people thought, they won’t have made it public knowledge on their bio. In all honesty there really isn’t much need to do so.

There might be “rules” for setting age preferences online, none are rules set in stone by the site though, so you shouldn’t necessarily have to search for people just as young as you search older or vice versa. Don’t feel like if you set your preferences for people 5 years younger you have to go 5 years older, remember these are your preferences. Theres nothing to say you have to be looking at a certain age group if you don’t want to and I’m sure you know this before you even clicked on this blog.

Its your choice. Everyone will have set their own preferences for ages, so if someone does question you or give you shit then ask them the same question. You might come across someone you like and you swipe right or decide to message them, depending on the site you’re on. However, you might not match their age preferences or they might not like the look of you which means you might not get the match or a response to a message. That’s life! Don’t be a dick if they don’t reply. Respect them and their choice, accept it and move on.

At the end of the day we all like different things and different people. Different things draw us to people and help us find people attractive. Set your preferences as you see fit and have fun swiping or messaging people. Be kind in your messages. Lads don’t be sending dick pics on the first message or trying to be a creep. Its not cool and women don’t like it.

Enjoy it, these places can be fun if you use them right. Don’t be creeping on people that are far too young for you. Don’t be nasty or shitty to someone who might not reply or might not prefer the age range you’re in. Just be nice to people and don’t be offended by someone who wants different things to what you’re after. Preferring people who are younger or older than you doesn’t make you a bad person or ageist. You’re not hiring these people to work for you, again as long as you aren’t going too young or gold digging I don’t see the issue.

And with that it’s the end of the blog. Its been a bit of a long one. Also I don’t actually know if Buzzfeed give you things to put in your profile. Its more that they seem to do a lot of quizzes which tell you what colour skittle you are and stuff like that, but I’m sure you get what I meant. No offence Buzzfeed fans or employees if anyone works for them reads this.

Thanks as always for reading. Have fun and be respectful to each other.

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