Porn – Single & In A Relationship

I feel like I’m a glutton for punishment. The start of the week it was sex, now it’s porn.

Porn however, I feel, is a much more sensitive subject than sex. I don’t think it’s as easy to bring up in a dating situation. Again though, having never got past the first date it’s not something I can comment on. It could be something that falls in to the discussion of sex to be honest. I guess it depends how confident you feel discussing it with the person you are seeing.

I love a good poll, so at itsmymatepaddy on Twitter, I did what I love to do, create a poll. Again. This time all about porn. Paddy, where can we find this poll, I hear you all shout. Well its here. Some of the results surprised me.

Watching Porn

So the first part of the poll was quite simple. Do you watch porn? This answer didn’t really surprise me. OK, maybe a little bit. I thought out of 336 votes that no for both men and women might have seen a bigger share of the votes.

What didn’t surprise me is that between men and women, yes was the popular answer. As I mentioned though I didn’t expect it to be so high. Yes, took 82.7% of the combined votes from men and women.

Now when i’m single, i’ll admit I will gladly watch porn. Not exclusively, I don’t need it to get off. I can use my imagination as well. Everyone has a good imagination we can have thoughts about people we are attracted to. Let’s not lie, we’ve all done it at one point in life.

Sometimes though porn can kill a craving that imagination can’t. For me it can anyway. Sometimes I need to see that bit of a kink that i’m in to. It’s not always the same imagining it. So yes I will watch it while I’m single. A relationship though, is a bit different.

I’d like to think that in a relationship the sex would be frequent enough so that I didn’t need to watch it. I’m not saying I wouldn’t do anything myself if my partner was working away or we were living separately to start with. But, I think the need for porn is less, I have the image and thoughts of the things we’ve done. Theres a chance we might be sexting if we aren’t together or something along those lines. Thus not needing the porn element to help out. I don’t need porn is what I’m basically saying I just need the pleasure.

How Many Times A Week?

With a whooping 75.7%, the most common answer to how many times a week do you watch porn was 1-3 times a week. Not surprising, or at least to me, 10+ was lowest with 2.9%. Now like I said in the last blog, my sex drive is high. However, I don’t have the time to do it that often! But like I said above as well, I don’t always use porn.

Again though, my thoughts on this differs when single and in a relationship. When you’re single you have no one else to satisfy. You can do it as often as you want, maybe over kill one day and then nothing for days after. But you can’t do that in a relationship. You need to be considering your partner, their desires and needs. Porn and masturbating should not be having an affect on your sexual activity with your partner. If it does then theres a problem. It’s not fair to watch porn or have a crafty wank if it’s causing issues in the relationship.

Thats not to say that if your partner is in to watching it as well you can’t watch it together. It might add to the fun in the bedroom, give you new ideas to try out. Its a bit like using toys or discussing kinks. I also think when you’re in a relationship you have to take your partners feelings in to consideration.

Ultimately though, for myself right now, as a single guy, i’d have seen myself in the 4-6 times a week bracket. Lockdown, boredom and a high sex drive aren’t a great mix as a single person. I’m only counting the times I watch porn in this number.

Porn In A Relationship & Dating Situation

The remaining questions were “Would you be offended by your potential partner/partner watching porn” and “Would your opinion of someone change due to their habits around porn?”

Somewhat surprisingly, not a single man who doesn’t watch porn said he would be bothered if his partner watched it. The overwhelming majority of men and women though said they wouldn’t be offended if their partner watched it and he or she didn’t.

The last question wasn’t as clear cut as the rest. Women made up over 65% of the total votes here. 44% said they wouldn’t change their opinion of a partner/potential partner for their porn habits. However just over 22% (which works out at 25 women) said they would. I think this is understandable though, not just for women, but for men as well. If this is going to have an affect on your own sex life in a relationship why would you want that?

Just under 35% of the votes were from men. 29.7% of men said they wouldn’t be put off. Over 5% of men said they would be.

From a blokes perspective the only time I would be concerned by the habits of my partner is, as mentioned above, if its causing damage to our sex life. If that’s happening a discussion needs to take place.

So Then Porn….

Porn would never be a deal breaker for me. As I said near the start I don’t need it to get off. What I need is the pleasure. I need the sexual contact, I don’t need to watch porn to get that.

I wouldn’t let a partners habits around porn change my mind about them. The only time that happens is if it’s getting in the way of our sex life. Porn in the bedroom with a partner isn’t a bad thing either. However, I can probably count on both hands how often thats happened in my previous relationships. For some perspective on that its just short of 13 years out of 18 that I’ve been in relationships.

Porn is also now so accessible, search engines can lead you to a porn site in seconds. Try it if you don’t believe me and you’ve never searched for it before. Granted you have to know what you are looking for, but, just open the Google app or your web browser on your device head to Google and type porn. The choices will be endless.

Porn In The Younger Generations

The problem with this comes potentially with the younger generations. The ones who have this vast array of accessibility. Those who think that every woman is going to like rough hard sex, that think they should like it too. Sorry to disappoint but that isn’t the case. We can’t let porn blur the lines of reality and fantasy. I remember discovering porn. I found a magazine hidden in my brothers room. Obviously it was just pictures. Then I found a video my mums boyfriend had hidden in a cabinet. Not very well I must add as I found it as soon as I opened the cabinet up. I wasn’t being nosy I needed something from it. No it wasn’t the video.

But my point is, it was what would now be classed as “vanilla sex”. There was no choking, gagging, hair pulling, spanking, slapping, 3sums or anything like that. It was just sex. So anyone who was around in the dial up age of internet and before internet existed didn’t have the ease of access as there is today. If you wanted a kink or something different you had to know about it to search for it.

A visit to XNXX’s homepage gives you a list of categories you can watch. On there are things like “Taboo”, “Stepmom And Son”, “Blackmail” and “BDSM”. Let’s also not miss out the pleasantly named “Forced Anal” section either.

Now imagine at whatever age you stumble across porn these days, you see this and click on one of those categories. You’re going to be thinking this is what sex is like and what you do. Imagine being a girl coming across this. Imagine the first time you came across it. Now imagine how you’d feel if thats what you saw and thats what you thought you’d be put through the first time you have sex.

What’s Next Then?

Ultimately I’m not here to say that this sort of porn needs to be banned. I think we need to give people a better understanding. Expectations need to be set. Not everyone likes porn, thats fine. Some people do like porn, thats fine as well. Some people have kinks and some don’t. Thats fine too, don’t shame people for kinks and don’t think your sex life and experiences are better because you have kinks. We like what we like.

I once had a chat with my younger cousin. His dad wasn’t very tech savvy at the time. I was asked to make him aware of the sort of things you find online. Let him know that what he sees isn’t necessarily what happens.

There really is nothing wrong with kinks. I get people will get off on the videos under “Forced Anal”. The time this becomes a problem is if they watch that much, that the line of reality and fantasy becomes blurred. Sex education and etiquette, not sure thats the right word but i’ll run with it, needs to be talked about more. It needs to be made clear this sort of thing might not be common. It might never happen like the way it does on the things you watch.

Don’t let porn pressure you. Male or female. You don’t have to perform the way they do in porn. The people you are watching are actors. What you’re watching has been filmed over a matter of hours. Not just one take. Women will fake orgasms guys, you’re not going to be great all the time. And yes, lads you will, at least once in your sexually active life, ejaculate prematurely. You’ll be massively fucked off. The chances are your partner will be as well. Try make it up to them in someway.

The Last Word

Enjoy exploring your sexual desires. Have fun masturbating, whether thats with porn or your imagination. Don’t let porn put unrealistic expectations on you. Porn seems like its going to carry on being as accessible as viewing your favourite non porn related website. Thats fine, if you aren’t damaging your own mind with crazy expectations. It’s also fine if its not causing issues with your sexual relationships. If it’s doing either of those things then you need to step away from it. Talk to someone and get some advice. Don’t let it ruin your relationships!

I must say this sort of took a bit of a turn as I was writing. I didn’t think i’d cover so much. Thank you for reading though I appreciate you taking the time.

Remember have good safe fun!